The Selective Should - The Joy Within

The 7 Masks of Unconscious Unhappiness

Mask #4 - The Selective Should

The Core Problem: Living by Obligation Instead of Alignment

Feels Like: Living the life you “should,” not the life you dream of; always placing others’ needs over your own.

“I don’t have a choice.”
“I don’t really know what I want.”
“I have everything, so why am I not happy?”

The Slippery Slope: The more you live from others’ standards, the heavier you feel. Duty becomes depletion, life loses meaning, and the struggle against yourself becomes paralyzing.

The Fix: Follow The Path of Alignment to realign choices with your true self, so you can feel lighter and more fulfilled.

The Selective Should is one of the most deceptive forms of Unconscious Unhappiness, because it often looks like success.

Overview: The Selective Should

You’re doing everything you’re supposed to — showing up, working hard, doing what’s “right.”

But if you pause for just a moment, you can feel that something’s missing.

You can’t put your finger on what, exactly. On the surface, everything looks good, but you just have this sense you’re not living the way you’re meant to.

Every “should” — every time you think, “I have to…” — chips away at the quiet joy of simply being yourself.

Nothing is “wrong.” You’re not “unhappy.” You’re just…not free.

How It Works

The Selective Should is one of the most deceptive forms of Unconscious Unhappiness, because it often looks like success.

You’re responsible. Reliable. You get things done.

You’re everything you believe you should be.

But that’s the problem.

Somewhere along the way, you stopped asking if what you’re doing actually feels right for you.

This usually plays out in one of four ways:

You’re following a path that made sense in the past — but haven’t checked-in to realize it no longer lights you up.
You felt forced to compromise on your goals — so you’re going after something you “only sort of” want.
You’re living someone else’s dream — you’ve made choices to meet expectations, rather than your own calling.
You never deliberately chose the path you’re on — you just sort of fell into it along the way.

The tricky thing is: in each case, the mind convinces you you’re doing the right thing. You actually believe in the “should.”

Meanwhile, beneath the surface, you’re quietly waging a war between logic and intuition.

The should is your rational mind, winning that war — while that quiet sense that something’s not right is your heart, trying to fight back.

To feel fulfilled and at peace, you have to align these two factions, so you can act as your whole, authentic self.

Joy, peace, and fulfillment will come when you act in alignment with what you know is right for you — regardless of what appears practical, realistic, or pleasing to others.

Risks of Inaction

Every “should” wears us down – we just don’t notice it at first.

But when those shoulds become the dominant force in our lives, we lose out on the joy, meaning, and purpose we were born to express.

We stop living, and start trying to “just get through” each day. As those days turn into months and years, we become disconnected from our true selves.

As we ignore our inner guidance, we lose the ability to hear it.

Gradually, duty becomes depletion.

The struggle against yourself can turn outward, as rage or frustration, or it can fester within, breeding apathy or a loss of meaning.

The good news?

You can never permanently lose your sense of self. It is always there within you, and you can return to it, anytime you choose.

Guiding Questions

Use these questions to explore how The Selective Should is showing up in your life.

Do you believe it is more important to be responsible, or joyful?
When was the last time you made a decision that felt right, but didn’t make sense on paper?
Does your day feel heavy, even when you’re “doing the right thing”?
How often do you check-in with yourself to make sure your goals are still aligned with your desires?
If you had no responsibilities and all of your needs were met, what would you actually want to do?

The Path Back To Joy

The Selective Should is a symptom of disconnection between your head and your heart.

Joy, peace, and fulfillment will come when you act in alignment with what you know is right for you — regardless of what appears practical, realistic, or pleasing to others.

For most of us, this means we have to take a step back from the logical mind, so we can listen a little more closely to what our intuition is trying to tell us.

That doesn’t mean ignoring reason — it means coming back to center, where heart and mind can work together again.

When we allow our inner guidance to play a stronger role in our lives, we give ourselves permission to live more freely.

We begin to replace the “should” with a knowingness about what is right.

Actions feel lighter and more joyful, we find more meaning in our day, and life becomes a more authentic, more fulfilling expression of ourselves.

Next Steps

To eliminate The Selective Should, you have to let go of the weight you’re carrying.

When you schedule a 1:1 Alignment Discovery Call, you will learn simple techniques to reconnect with your inner clarity, so you can start saying: “I want to…” instead of “I have to.”

Get Started with a Free, 1:1 Alignment Discovery Call.

Thank you, Kyle, for your work. I am really happy with the shifts I have made with the lessons from The Joy Within. As suggested I will return to them, time and time again.

Leslie Gaudet